


Distance and Growth

by KlainebowsAndDramioneflies



Category: Glee, Struck by Lightning (2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, College, Feels, Incest, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Twincest, side seblaine, smidge of kadam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-19
Updated: 2015-10-19
Packaged: 2018-04-27 02:22:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5029990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KlainebowsAndDramioneflies/pseuds/KlainebowsAndDramioneflies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tumblr prompt for a long distance relationship... I ran with it.</p><p>When Kurt gets into Parsons and Carson manages a scholarship to his dream school- Northwestern University, the twins aren't sure how they'll manage. It becomes a too-short senior year, a summer of up-too-lates and long-not-quite-goodbyes followed by near-nightly phonecalls and promises not to move on. Evanston and New York aren't so far away, right? 12 hour drive, 2 hour flight, infinite distance when it came to the slow breaking of a heart, though...</p><p>WARNING: See that M? See that summary? There is INCEST SMUT IN THIS FIC! Please do not read if you don’t like that kind of thing! Kay? Kay! Thanks!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Distance and Growth

There were three months left. Three months of their senior year, then Kurt and Carson and everyone in their class would be leaving McKinley. They'd be moving on, or not. Some of them probably would stay in Lima, become 'Lima Losers' like generations before had. Logically, Kurt knew this was true, but it felt like everyone was leaving. Moving on. Going places without each other. It felt like everyone was abandoning everyone else, so why even admit that anyone would stay behind? It wasn't like it mattered. No one would stay with him. No one who mattered.

It was strange to think of that little bit of time that he'd spent at Dalton Academy without his brother. Back when things were really bad, before their dad had started seeing Carole and when Finn was always at odds with Carson and creeped out by Kurt's flamboyance. That time had been so hard for Kurt, because he'd been away from his brother. He couldn't stand it, but they knew it was for the best. Dave hadn't had any vendetta against Carson, after all. He just wanted Kurt, and if the Glee star and previous football kicker was gone, things could settle down enough that they could get back to normal eventually.

He never thought Dave would end up transferring. He never thought he'd be outed. Kurt never though Dave would kill himself. He had never been so thankful to have his brother as when he found out about that boy. That bully who had really just been a misunderstood and scared little boy. Kurt cried so hard. Blaine hadn't understood at all. Maybe that was why Blaine and Sebastian worked out so well. Neither wanted to see the complex things. They just wanted to see the world how they wanted to perceive it. Oh well. It wasn't like Kurt's heart was available anyway.

It hadn't been for a very long time, if ever.

The high school senior was shaken from his thoughts when his twin took the seat beside him at lunch, joining the glee club despite his lack of being a part of it. He knew the group thanks to both Kurt and Finn, of course, but also because a few of them were actually in the two clubs Carson ran. Newspaper reporting might not have been a natural talent for her, but Brittany enjoyed it a lot, and Santana had an 'Auntie Snix' advice column that people loved. The writing club allowed Sam's fanfiction and Puck's original songs, so they joined. It was actually kind of nice.

"Hey, what's got you thinking so hard?" Carson asked, his breath hot on Kurt's ear making him shiver slightly. They hid their relationship for the most part, but they knew they touched too much and too openly for people not to know something was going on. Their friends had to suspect, and Finn definitely knew. Truth be told, the boys just didn't care anymore. Screw what everyone might think. They were in love.

Kurt tried to shake his head and ignore the question, but Carson fixed him with a piercing blue gaze. "Just... New York. Chicago-"

"Evanston," the writer corrected, causing Kurt to roll his eyes.

"Evanston. Either way, that's a lot of miles in between and it's going to suck. And there's not much longer before... before..." Carson grabbed his chin and turned his head so Kurt had to look at him, watery eyes be damned. Kurt swallowed and blinked, one tear escaping. "I'm just scared I guess. I... don't want to lose you."

The last bit was said in a soft voice that only the other boy could hear, and all Carson could do was take a deep, shaking breath to steady himself. "That's not gonna happen," he said pointedly. "You will never lose me. I promised you that back when we lost mom and I'll never break that promise, Kurt. Got it?"

After the intense moment, the pair got back to eating as if nothing happened, and their friends were kind enough to go along with them. Sometimes it was just easier that way.

* * *

 

When Finn said he was hanging out with the guys that weekend, Kurt didn't think anything of it. Usually that meant either Puck's or Artie's house with tons of junkfood and video games. He and Carson always begged off and generally stayed home to finish up assignments until Kurt was called away by his girls and Carson could hole up in their shared basement room with his laptop and notebooks surrounding him, writing away into the night.

This time, however, Burt and Carole were in DC and their step-brother just said he'd be away all weekend, too. There were barely two months left before graduation. That meant two months before all the long goodbyes started. Two months before the mixture of nostalgia and melancholy took over and clouded the senses so much it was hard to feel anything else. Kurt was ready to take advantage of situations like this one.

He reached the Nav with a new spring in his step to find Carson in the passenger seat, glasses sliding down his nose as he scribbled away in a notebook. "Hey, hottie," Kurt purred, leaning in the open window rather than heading for his own side right away.

"Well, you're in a mood," Carson remarked, leaning up for a quick peck on the lips while no one paid them any attention. "What did I miss? Something happen in glee that was oh so exciting?" 

With a lazy smile, Kurt sauntered to his door and climbed into his baby, looking happily at his brother. "Oh, just Finn informing me that he won't be joining us tonight. Or this weekend at all for that matter. He's having a guys weekend apparently. So. We get the house. All. To. Our.  _Selves_."

Each word was accompanied by a finger walking further up Carson's thigh until Kurt's hand rested over the bulge between his brother's legs. Kurt squeezed, then pulled away to turn the key in the ignition and start his care, leaving his brother panting and growling about teasing and fairness and payback. In all honesty, Kurt was fine with that. His brother was fantastic at teasing him to tears, and it was the most delicious payback he'd ever had inflicted on him ever...

* * *

 

"Kurt! Hey, Kurt!" Rachel's voice was distinguishable through the halls on any day, but that day it was so loud and excited, Kurt was having a hard time looking up without wincing. He could feel the headache starting already, and strongly considered going to the nurse to lie down and maybe go home early.  
As it was, he turned to face the demonic voice that was Rachel Berry. "Yes, Rachel? What is it?"

"We're both going to New York, right? And so are Blaine and Sebastian! You know I still hang out with Blaine since we used to hang out back when you two were friends at Dalton, and well, we were at the mall last weekend looking at the sheet music in that new store they opened, in Columbus I mean. He took me there, Kurt, and it was amazing, oh my goodness! But anyway, we were talking about NYADA and how we both got in and how we're both so excited and then I told him how you're going to Parson's since you didn't get in to NYADA and how shocking it was and he was shocked, too, Kurt, but then he said it made sense to go to Parson's since you have such a 'passion for fashion' and I agreed and we laughed and had such a good time and... Oh! Right. then he said that Sebastian got into NYU so they're both going to New York and Sebastian's father is getting them this huge apartment and it's like this penthouse suite thing and they were going to share it with some of the other Dalton boys but they're not going to New York now so they have three extra rooms and they offered them to us, Kurt!"

For a moment he just stood there staring at the girl who seemed to have just shouted a wall of text at him. Did she not need to breathe? Did she just say everything so fast because she could or did she get a sick thrill from making people strain to keep up with her? Sometimes Kurt counted Rachel as his best friend, but sometimes she was truly insufferable.

"Wait, you want me to live with Blaine Anderson and Sebastian Smythe?" he finally asked, brow cocked and hip popped to the side. He couldn't see how he'd ever agree to such a setting, but he'd hear her out. He always did. If there was a medal to be won for patience, Kurt Hummel should have it hands down.

Rachel's eyes went wide as she nodded and bounced a little in her mary janes. "Uh huh. Kurt, Blaine even said they could turn the fourth room into a work room. It could have your extra outfits that you make and mine and Blaine's costumes and music and such... Plus all Sebastian's law books or whatever. Then we wouldn't have another roommate either! It would be perfect. And they would barely charge rent. Just enough for utilities because that's all they have to pay. Oh, please Kurt. Come on, it's the best set up ever and we'd be together and it would make it so much less scary and intimidating!"

Finally, Kurt had enough of her whining and he couldn't deny it would be a nice money-saver for his family. The extra money could go to Carson's dorm costs, since everyone knew he'd be living in a single dorm on campus probably all four years unless he found some studio apartment to hide away in. Sometimes Kurt wished his brother wasn't so solitary... He worried about the boy alone in Illinois...

"Eeee! Yay! Oh, Kurt you won't regret this!" Rachel squealed, then ran off with her phone out, most likely to call Blaine.

Kurt was left with a sour taste in his mouth and a feeling of trepidation. "Then why do I already feel like I do..?" he muttered, then took off to find his brother and let him know what torture he'd just signed himself up for.

* * *

 

"All I'm saying," Carson grunted, moving his hips to get into a better position where he lay on his back on Kurt's bed. How they'd ended up on Kurt's bed wasn't quite clear, but it didn't really matter. The only thing that mattered was that they were in their room, on a bed, and the rest of the house was blissfully empty. "Is that if any of those three idiots see me on your computer I will gouge their eyes out. With a spork, Kurt. A spork!"

Kurt answered with a moan as he dropped forcefully on Carson's cock, which was buried deep inside him. His own rigid length was dripping pre-come as Carson fondled it and his balls, making Kurt wheeze with desperate need. "They w-won't..." he panted, lifting up with his thighs only to fall back down, impaling himself in the best way. "I'll have a l-lock. A g-good lock. Oh, god!”

His brother looked at him with a cocked brow and a slight frown despite how good everything felt. "You don't believe in god. Don't scream to something you don't believe in. Makes me feel like I'm not doing this right..." He jerked his hips and Kurt whimpered, hitting that high F he'd purposely botched back in sophomore year. Carson grinned. "Sing for me, sweetie." He bit his lip and jerked his hips again.

Kurt's toes curled and he bounced on his brother's dick, not even trying to hold back his screams and moan, though he couldn't even if he did. He was so strung out, so full of Carson, so sated. He could hardly lift himself, but each thrust back down made him try harder to pick himself back up for another go.  
It seemed both fast and like forever before he was finally clenching around his brother, both of them finding a climax within seconds of each other. As twins, they'd been weirdly in sync since birth.

"How..." Kurt panted breathlessly, barely making noise as he spoke. "Am I gonna... go without that... when we're apart..?" He wanted to cry and laugh and smile and frown all at the same time. He was a tight ball of emotions ready to pop, a spring ready to uncoil, and Carson was the last bit holding him together. As soon as that boy was gone, Kurt was going to lose it. New York was doomed for the wrath of Kurt Hummel, because his brother wouldn't be there and he was going to be so fucking lost.

Carson looked at him and for once, the put-together writer didn't seem to have a witty comment or a way out of it all. His eyes were cloudy with unshed tears and his fingers carded through Kurt's hair slowly, keeping the other teen pressed close to his bare chest. "I... don't know, Kurt. I just... I don't know..."

The honesty in that moment was what made Kurt fall apart. They lay there for an uncountable number of minutes, holding each other and shaking. It was similar to when their mom died, or when Burt was in the hospital... They were two lost boys without any answers and nothing more than each other to hold onto. But this time, they'd have to let go.

* * *

 

The signs hung all over the school congratulating the graduating class. Kurt just wanted to tear them down. He saw Finn and Puck posing under one of the banners giving each other a high five, then Puck shifted just the slightest bit so he missed Finn's hand and smacked him right on the face. Everyone laughed and Kurt shook his head as Artie snapped a picture of the scene. He just couldn't be happy, though. Not when Carson was about to be ripped away from him.

With a sigh, Kurt turned and started trudging away, only to run into another student. He looked up and met his own eyes, which made him smile softly despite his sadness. "Hey. What's got you looking so blue?" Carson asked, reaching out a hand to tilt Kurt's chin up so he could get a good look at him. "Everyone's celebrating the last day of school before graduation. Shouldn't you be doing the same?"

"Shouldn't you?" Kurt asked back, making Carson laugh and shake his head.

A muttered 'touche' was all Kurt got, but he was joined by his brother nonetheless and the two of them wandered out to the quad where the picnic tables and cement risers were. It seemed classes were being ignored since it was the last day for seniors, so there was really no point in worrying about where they were supposed to be. Instead, the twins sat together on a far riser, leaning against each other and just enjoying the semi-silence.

"It's gonna be really weird next year, you know," Kurt said softly, and Carson nodded and muttered his agreement. "I never thought I'd say it, but I'm gonna miss this place. And the people... especially the people." He sighed.

Carson ran his hand over Kurt's knee and spoke softly. "You know, I think I'll miss the people, too. Never would have said that if it wasn't for you. You got me to talk to them and actually like them. I'm even going to miss our dear mindless Finn..." Carson sat up some and looked at Kurt a bit seriously. "You have to keep him from doing anything too stupid for Rachel, you know. Like moving out there with you guys when he has no business doing so. He's too smart to do something that dumb. He might not be the brightest bulb, but he's not the dimmest either."

Kurt smiled at his brother. The other boy had really come a far way from the introvert he used to be. Sure, he'd still hide away from the public and write til the wee hours of the night, but now he cared about people. He got to know people before judging them. He valued people like Finn and Puck and Brittany instead of just taking them at face value and writing them off. Kurt was so proud of his brother. 

"You know, you taught me a lot, too. Not to doubt myself. Not to trust so blindly and freely. And not to be so scared," Kurt said simply, picking at a loose string on the end of Carson's sleeve. "I think I'll be safer in the city because of you..."

They'd improved each other over the years while staying close enough to keep a bit of each other within themselves. It was comforting to think of, especially when thinking about the time apart that was to come. Kurt hated thinking about that. His chest got tight and it was hard to breathe.

"I'm going to miss you more than anything," Carson said softly, and Kurt just grunted agreement. That was all he could do without bursting into ugly sobbing tears.

* * *

 

Summer practically flew by. Graduation parties, working at the garage, pool parties, laying out to tan, Carson coming out and covering Kurt with a towel so his pale ass didn't burn to a lobster, trips to Columbus for supplies for apartments and dorm rooms and new clothes and notebooks and... It was all very busy and took their minds off of leaving each other for the most part at least. There were a few moments here and there where the twins could have some time to themselves and each other, but there was hardly time even for that. They mostly just existed from moment to moment, party to party, busy day to busy day.

Maybe he should have been thankful it was't drawn out and painful, but Kurt was just desperately sad and upset that his time was up when it was the day before he'd load up the Nav and head to New York. His dad had tried to convince him to leave the SUV behind, but Kurt was determined that he'd find somewhere to park it- Sebastian's place probably had parking that came with it anyway- and he needed it so he could drive spontaneously to see Carson. It wasn't like his brother had a car to take to Illinois.

"Tomorrow seems way too soon," Kurt said to the ceiling as he laid in bed that night, feeling cheated and sad and just angry. There were too many negative emotions and he wanted to hit something for them. He just wanted more time. But, he knew, forever wouldn't even be enough time to work up a worthy 'goodbye' for Carson.

As if reading his mind, Carson sat up and called over to him authoritatively. "Hey! You are not saying goodbye, mister. We made a promise and we are sticking to that promise forever. Never goodbye. Goodbye can mean forever, and it's never forever with us. So never goodbye. It's just 'til next time'. Just like mom always said."

Kurt bit back the comment that weighed heavy on his tongue. That mom did say goodbye to them even if she never verbalized it. She left them. Her lack of words didn't make a single damn difference. He was angry and bitter and it wasn't going to get better, so he just rolled over with a 'yeah, no goodbyes,' and a simple goodnight instead. He probably should have tried to enjoy their last night in that shared bedroom before leaving for college, but Kurt was just too upset. He felt like he was already a million miles away from everything he loved.

* * *

 

It had taken all the restraint Kurt had not to Skype with his brother until he was settled in his dorm room as Kurt was in his apartment. Carson had declared that it would be unfair for Kurt to be video chatting from New York when Carson was still in their old bedroom in Ohio, so the fashion major had to wait almost a week before he saw his twin on screen. They talked daily, of course, but it wasn't until Carson made it to Northwestern that Kurt actually was able to see the boy once more.

When that day came, the two were giddy like children and Kurt informed his roommates that they were to disturb him only if there was an extreme emergency, like the apartment burning down or aliens abducting Blaine to study the sheer amount of product in his poor, tortured hair. The shorter male stuck his tongue out at Kurt for the comment, but other than that he was left alone and he locked his door before making the video call to his brother.  
"Is your door locked?"

Kurt rolled his eyes and spoke in a mocking tone. "Oh, hello to you, too, Carson. So nice to see you after almost a full week. I'm doing well. Haven't killed any of my roommates yet. Yes, I know I should win a medal. And, yes, this room does come with a very nice and effective lock, which I have implemented this evening. Not that you even really had to ask."

Eyes fluttering up and over the screen, Kurt noticed his brother was already half undressed and flushed. He looked so tempting and so... eager. "Carson, have you been doing things without me?" he teased, making his brother blush, which didn't happen often. Carson really only blushed when he was caught doing something, and even then only when certain people caught him. Kurt and their mother had always been the people he was most likely to blush for.

"I've just missed you, okay? Oh the phone isn't the same. I just... I need to see you, Kurt," he practically begged, which had Kurt whining in his skin-tight pants. Fingers deftly undid buttons as Kurt removed all his layers, giving Carson a bit of a strip show, though it was only a tease because of the boy's love of layers. By the time Kurt popped the button on his jeans, he was so hard it was painful and the relief of having that pressure released was so great he let out a throaty sigh.

Carson bit his lip, his hand already working its way into his underwear, his pants long gone sometime during Kurt's show. "God, you're so fucking hot," Carson growled, and Kurt squeaked a little, his attention immediately drawn back to the screen and the man who demanded it. He quickly made sure his stereo was turned on and just loud enough that no one would be bothered but wouldn't hear him all the same, then plugged in his headphones so he could still hear his brother clearly. "Shouldn't you have done that earlier?"

"Shut up. I'm new at this," Kurt sassed, hopping onto the bed, still mostly wearing his slate-grey jeans even though his erection was proudly sticking out of them for Carson to see. Kurt was not wearing underwear. (He'd argue there was no room for them in those jeans, but Carson would still hold it over his head as being much too sexy and demand to know if he was 'going commando' any time they talked on the phone until Kurt finally stopped refusing and just answered the damn question every time.) "Are you going to critique my skill or are we going to have sex?" It might not technically be sex, but it was close enough, and Kurt wanted Carson more than words could describe.

They used their words, though. Words and noises and hands over their own bodies, doing what the other said to do, worshiping their own flesh as their counterpart wished he could. It was new and erotic and not quite what they needed but good enough to satisfy and feed that hunger, and they both found release by the end of the call, promising to actually catch up the next day and get some rest that night. It might be a little awkward and less than perfect, but it was them and it was love and Kurt was happy and that was all that mattered. Right?

* * *

 

Barely a month into school, Kurt got out early thanks to a sick professor canceling class, so he decided to stop by NYADA and see what Rachel and Blaine were up to. That was when he happened upon a dance class that happened to have a TA in it who happened to be British named Adam with a gorgeous smile and pale blonde hair and the desire to take Kurt out to dinner. And since it was just dinner and he didn't have anything else to do, Kurt accepted.

It wasn't like Kurt had a boyfriend, not really, and it was't like he could explain Carson, not really. So what was he supposed to do? Plus, were they really going to stay together forever? Were they going to have this taboo affair for the rest of their lives? People would hate them if they knew. They could never have a family. They could never do so many things. If Kurt became a famous designer and Carson a famous writers... people would never support them if they knew!

But even as he accepted the second date, and the third, and never mentioned them to Carson, Kurt felt terrible. Even as he got off over Skype with his brother, then did no more than share chaste kisses with Adam on the older boy's couch after a dinner date, Kurt felt like he was cheating.

He called it off before Halloween, but the damage was done. He could see that when he confessed to his brother over Skype that weekend.

"I can't believe you! How could you even do something like that, Kurt? I mean... God, how could I be that fucking stupid? Of course you'd date some guy in New York. You're in fucking New York! People actually see you instead of being blinded by backwoods hatred like in Lima. People aren't all stupid in New York. Who am I kidding?" The writer was tearing his hands through his hair so hard Kurt thought he might rip it right out. "You're gonna find someone and fall in love and then me? I'll just be alone like I've always been meant to be. I should have always known it. I'm just so fucking stupid. I've always been holding you back and I just thought I could keep doing it. How selfish..."

Kurt saw the tears in Carson's eyes and his heart broke. It was Friday after classes. He didn't have school Monday for some senior Halloween showcase event he was planning to go to, but...

Carson had already signed off, so Kurt didn't even tell him what he was doing. He just packed up his bag with what homework he definitely needed and a couple changes of clothes and took off. He was in the Nav in no time, on his way to Evanston and fixing the only relationship that ever really mattered.

Almost fourteen hours, stand-still traffic thanks to a huge wreck, and one speeding ticket later (that was going to be fun to explain to his dad), Kurt was finally there. He found a parking space near his brother's dorm, then walked to the door, only to find it locked and requiring some kind of key card to open it. He rang a bell and the front desk person opened it for him, giving him a quizzical stare.

"Carson? You look... weird..." they said, and Kurt shook his head.

"No, I'm his brother. Twin, actually. I'm Kurt. I... can I like, sign in and see him or something? I thought my dad said family was allowed to do that on weekends." The girl looked at him and grinned a little lopsided.

Kurt must have looked either desperate or sad, because she took pity on him. "He's really supposed to sign you in, but since I can tell you're related, I'll go ahead and do it. You can go on up to his room. I assume you know the number. Just take that elevator. You'll probably have to knock cause his door'll be locked."

A smile and a wave and Kurt was off for Carson's room. He was determined to make things right. He had about forty-eight hours before he had to get on the road to make it back in time to get sleep before classes started again. That should be enough time to convince Carson to forgive him. And if not, well, Carson was way more important than college. Kurt could figure out some way to explain that to his dad. He hoped.

* * *

 

"I love you," Kurt breathed hot and heavy into Carson's shoulder, biting and sucking haphazardly at whatever bits of flesh he could reach. He marked his brother's body with his teeth and tongue, his lips writing a story on his skin of love and utter devotion. "I love you and I'm so sorry." Kurt trailed his mouth from Carson's ear all the way to his hip, worshiping his body. "You're the only one who matters. The only one I could ever really love. Please believe me, please. Oh, Carson... I love you. Please."

Backed against his dorm room door, Carson could hardly form words. All he could think was 'Kurt' and 'mine' and 'love'. He was so happy and he felt so good. Nothing else mattered. Kurt was the only thing that mattered, just as Carson was the only thing that mattered to Kurt.

"I love you. And this is hard and it sucks and I hate being so far away from you, but I love you. I fucking love you. And I'll do whatever it takes to make it work. Because you... us... this is worth it. It's so fucking worth it," Kurt muttered, swearing more than usual which made Carson feel like a little more of himself had rubbed off on his brother.

The simple fact that Kurt had driven fourteen hours through the night to make things right told Carson exactly how much they'd get through. They would make anything work as long as they were both determined. As far as he was concerned, he'd move mountains for his brother, and so would Kurt for him. If that held true, they could do anything. Even face their father when he found out about their affair, as Carson planned to let the family know at Christmas when he bought Kurt a ring and proposed a certain arrangement that involved a transfer to SAIC next year, which he somehow didn't think Kurt would be too unhappy with...  
  
For now, however, he had a brother to please, and Carson meant to do just that and more. He was going to set Kurt's worries to rest with three simple words and a lot of action to uphold them. "I love you. God, Kurt, I love you, too. So much. I love you." 


End file.
